Today should be a day of moving on. Today should represent new beginnings and new faith. Today should be spent feeling refreshed and motivated yet thoughtful and reverent.
Today should be mine.
But it’s not….
Today is instead a day of mourning. Today represents sadness and longing. Today will be spent in a black hole of emotion.
Today is no ones.
I try to do what I think is best even though I feel otherwise. Catch 22 through my mind. Do I follow emotion or logic? I tend to fall trap to emotion on a regular basis, even though I usually fall too far into it and logic can’t help me anymore. Logic instead laughs at me and then slaps me in the face. Unfortunately at that point emotion has taken sides with logic and I, once again, am left… alone.
I never learn. Emotion is a tricky little backstabber. Logic is temperamental.
I want to call you. Everything inside of me is screaming “pick up that fucking phone!!! Don’t let the love of your life, your soul mate, your baby… Don’t let him go.”
Everything except logic.
So what do I do? I’m trying to be strong when I know I’m weak. I’m trying to right when it feels so wrong. I’m trying to be everything you want me to be in balance with everything I want me to be.
I’m not happy. Not without you. Not yet. Maybe never. You broke my heart. And I broke yours. But I want you. I need you. I love you.
